…gone tomorrow? There are plenty of potential side-effects to my treatment (some of which Ive had, some not), but the most noticeable one to other people is that my hair may well fall out, or at least thin. In readiness for the possibility, I had my hair clipped short the other day: this way at least it wont come out in clumps and wont be such a big change. Im actually quite excited by the possibility (which is quite high), as Ive always wondered what it would be like to be bald, and no doubt it would be a good conversation piece. Indeed, Ive got myself so ready for the idea Im almost willing it to fall out now its almost frustrating waiting for it to do so and not knowing for sure that it will.
However, a word of warning: it will still probably be a bit of a shock, to me and to others, as it will be the first really obvious physical sign that I am actually unwell (though the direct cause is the treatment, not the disease, and it is just a side-effect). Visitors have commented (and rightly, I think) on the fact that I actually look better than I did about a month ago the danger
is to subconsciously translate that into thinking that Im ok really. Which of course Im not, even if Im not feeling too bad and Im not looking tooooo unwell. Being bald will show that somethings different and so will prevent any self-denial, which is something I dont recommend anyway. So my hair is very short now and as a result I do look a bit more like a cancer patient, but thats not necessarily a bad thing, though I thought Id warn you as it might be a not-entirely-pleasant surprise otherwise. Ill try to get a photo up if and when it does fall out.
To return to the joys of baldness, though: what fun! Id qualify for a free NHS wig, which Ill probably get since its free and could be amusing, though in general Id definitely far rather just be bald. Ive never been a big fan of my hair anyway, and am independently-spirited enough to be happy to look as I am rather than try to look normal. Whats normal, anyway? I look forward to exploring hats, though, as Ive always wanted to anyway and otherwise my head will get cold. Rachael, having cut my hair, balanced that out by giving me an absolutely beautiful sky blue beanie she knitted: its a little too warm in my room for it at the moment but I cant wait to show it to the world! (That is my one concession to individual thank-yous: I wish I could individually name and thank everybody who has given me anything, sent anything, done anything, but I hope youll all understand that once I start, Id never want to stop. I am truly so very grateful to all of you individually and sincerely, as I am toeveryone who cares enough to be reading this.)
Ill keep you updated on the hair situation.