I just wanted to clear up that whole tennis delusion that cropped up at one point last week… It was odd, I tell you, but it wasn’t nearly the worst delusion I was having at all. What it was was a dream that wouldn’t go away when I was awake, which was of course confusing, but it wasn’t so bad because I did know it was a dream (the details are fairly irrelevant: there were hundreds of new young tennis players congregating for a competition and becoming the new stars – various hospital staff were involved in training or sabotaging them)… I couldn’t necessarily shift it from my perception while I was awake, but that was what was much more disturbing: not believing or being able to accept that I was awake. I felt I was talking to the nurses, my dad, the doctors in a dream, and was convinced the room I saw around me was a dream room, not the one I was in. I got my father to pinch me, and tried to rationalise what was going on, but felt I was still asleep and needed the real me to be woken up in my real room. It was distressing, to say the least, and I do pity anybody else who has suffered such sleep-deprived delusions… As I say, the tennis dream wasn’t nearly so bad, as I did know it wasn’t real, but I couldn’t separate it from my awake perceptions.
This post is from the Consultants’ room: am back in the ward again after my wanderings. I’ll post again later with news.