Number 1:
One of George’s beautiful female friends: “Adam and Katie, why are you wearing silly headgear, what with you, Adamski, sporting a fetching three-pointed pirate hat and you, Keeno Katie, showing off a delightfully retro bowler hat?”
Adam ‘Spuds’ Shpludakowski or Katie ‘Keeno’ Keene: “We went ice-skating before
coming to see George.”
George: “So the order of your priorities was to go ice-skating and THEN come to see me? Ice-skating is more important than me? Don’t you know I have leukaemia?”
General reaction: “You can’t say that! That’s so mean!”
George: “Mwahahahaha.”
George possibly also: “I can say what I like, I’ve got leukaemia.” [or perhaps that was on another occasion, and is crammed in here because it fits quite nicely and thus presents two different jokes of similar style]

Number 2:
White Knights Ball committee member: “Are The Quiffs Barbershop Quartet [credit to the balding feller in the green pyjamas for that title, though with recognition due to Miss Joanna ‘Jo’ Dowbekin for the original use of the nomenclature] still going to perform at the Ball?
Rachael ‘Organising a £50,000 fundraising ball while doing a medicine degree and a billion other things’ Morris: “Yes, though I need to get in touch with Ollie ‘George’s cousin and former Head of School at Downside’ Mellotte. George was going to organise it but then he went and got leukaemia, which was pretty inconvenient of him.”
Half the committee: ‘chuckle’
Other half of the committee: ‘? <> ?’
Rachael: “Mwahahahaha.” [possibly, though this wasn’t reported and has been added, as permitted by George’s poetic licence which, though revoked after his attempts at out-Ogden-Nashing Ogden Nash, was returned to him as a direct consequence of his ‘Aspariginase’ song]

Number 3:
Tom ‘Captain’ Norton: “I might want to be an accountant one day.”
[George: “That was a joke, right?”]

An aside:
I read an interesting article by a writer of the TV programme ‘Shameless’, in which he defended his and his co-writers’ decision to pen a storyline based around one of the characters pretending her younger brother had cancer so that he wouldn’t be expelled from school. Apparently he even shaves his hair off in line with what the chemotherapy would have done, and the writer hopes that cancer sufferers and their families aren’t offended. (i) He believes, however, that drama should push the boundaries and deal with experiences beyond the everyday and acceptable, and (ii) in fact the plot was inspired by the true story of somebody pretending to have cancer. In my opinion, it’s entirely justifiable, for those reasons and also because (iii) if you don’t like it you can switch off, (iv) I think it’s important to be able to keep a sense of humour and being able to laugh at your illness/predicament always makes it less intimidating as well as cheering you up, and (v) an entertainment show is there to entertain, not to moralise. I love ‘Jerry Springer: the Opera’ (and remember I’m coming at it from a not-very-theologically-confident-but-believing Christian viewpoint, which I know I’ve promised to tell you about but as yet haven’t really) almost as much as Freddie loves James Blunt, though I see why some would consider it blasphemous. I shan’t spend too much time on that argument now because it can get quite long-winded, but in short I completely divorce the ‘God’, ‘Jesus’ and other religious characters in ‘Jerry Springer’ from the God and Jesus I believe in, and think that the sheer entertainment value of the enterprise justifies both the voluminous swearing and the fact that much of it could be seen as offensive by people without a sense of humour, while if you don’t like it you don’t have to watch it.

Are jokes 1 and 2 at all out of order? I know 3 is just disturbing…

2 thoughts on “Jokes of the week

  1. Love the jokes, what about the boobies one though, that’s the best… And aren’t I clever to do a nomenclature… sorry to sound so terribly uneducated, but WHAT is that?? Mwah (ha ha ha ha) Jo x

  2. Got to agree with ya my naked-pated friend.

    1. James Blunt IS blasphemous – he’s a work of Satan if I ever saw one!

    and 2. God (yes, i’m choosing to believe in the big beard in the sky tonight… because i feel like it) would quite clearly love Jerry Springer: The Opera. Any self-respecting deity should have a firm grasp of self-deprecating humour. And naughty jokes. When was the last time you met an authority figure who hated having the piss taken out of them and you still respected them? exactly.

    God Loves Jerry Springer.
    We Love Jerry Springer.
    Ergo, we love God.

    Put that in your syllogistic pipe and smoke it!!!!

    Ben
    XXX

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